A Lover's Embrace

It's my last post ... it's been such a journey.

The past few months have been absolutely the hardest .. i finally let go. I became detached. I was above being hurt. And then .. i realised i COULD NOT FEEL MY HEART anymore in the one part i loved so much as a little girl ..  Loving the Prince and being loved by the Prince. How could i deny the romantic in me?

And so ... i started a journey to climb back up from this detached pit i had dug myself. So many around me seemed to be living it well, but i just couldn't. I knew i would regret it on my deathbed .. and so the pain of holding back finally overcame the pain of risking it all .. in the name of love.. all over again.

I have cried more tears than i can recall ... so much those tears have watered a tree .. and helped it grow. It is a Tree of Love. And like all trees ... a seed had to die, winds broke some branches ... and some leaves died. Every flower certainly died. But how beautiful they were when they were blooming.

I find now that perhaps my greatest challenge lies in living FEARLESS. I seem to have developed an uncanny ability to weather all storms once they arrive ... but i still haven't mastered the art of calmly ANTICIPATING one.

And that is the greatest hurdle of all ... the wall over where the branches of this tree is trying to grow.

And i realise, it's really a struggle not born of merely BP ... but the struggle of a girl's heart to embrace and thrive despite changes in a relationship. It is the masculine-feminine dance.

I have learned that many triggers are based on my own feminine fears and needs. A need to feel secure and cherished. A need to be SEEN. A need to be free .. to just be a girl. Living with BP has certainly pushed that need to the fore ... so many responsibilities can tie me down that inside, grew a great awareness of a need to just be .. ME.

And i have come far enough on this journey to see .. i've had enough drama to last a lifetime. All i want now, is to LOVE without having to go through an emotional hurricane to feel ... to LOVE without fear of having my heart frozen by an early winter  .. and to most of all, not blame the BP, my lover  ... or myself. I live where there are natural disasters .. and that's that.

Somehow Love sustains us all, despite casualties and damage ..

So i won't stop believing in Love ..and i will just keep on living it.

If i have learned one thing through all the tears and injuries and getting back on my feet again ..

it's this: Love ... always finds a way.

As a Lover .. i embrace this.
Because i AM a Lover ... and i have embraced THIS ~ 

Here on .. i am moving to A Lover's Embrace. It's taking my love on this journey .. to a whole other level. After years of loving through the madness, i see the man i once loved spending less and less time 'away' .. and i have learned much of keeping a love alive despite all the setbacks that can come in between. I amtravelling onwards with hope and far more .. with LOVE .. for me. This love in me .. is what will keep me strong. I have learned that a love story doesn't complete us ... it just brings out all that is already in us.  So the more i embrace me .. and him ... just as we are ... the better will be this journey.

Wishing you LOVE and LIGHT ~