They won't decide. So you have to.
And that way ... they never have to say it when it goes wrong .. but it will always be understood that it's your own fault it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to. And their defence against your disappointment ... is to remove themselves altogether from participating.
And i guess that makes complete sense.
Except ... it means you are always ALONE.
Because you live with people who are constantly guarding their own keep .. against the world, including against you. And after years of that .. you realise, that you are nobody's baby. I'm certainly not his even though he says he loves me.
Because he isn't about to love me unless he can do it at a safe distance.
And i stay ... because by now i'm convinced that NOBODY will EVER love me any differently.
Not when this is how it was when i was a child .. and still is even after giving my all in love in a committed partnership.
I look in the mirror and i no longer see a beautiful girl.
I see a person who isn't worth anybody's commitment in any way.
Somehow, i have to love myself through this.
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