Surviving Loneliness

I found this poem today .. written almost a year ago now.

the desert of your love

you made me go down on my knees
and cry
by the time i got up
my heart lay in broken pieces on the floor
i stared at them
numb from the pain.. so i could keep on breathing

you didn't mean to hurt me
does anyone?
i who have no one to cry to
you wouldn't open your arms to and comfort
when i was a child

i know i am alone
thank you for reminding me
it is and remains so

15 jan 2012

I hardly share my sad feelings .. because i don't define my life as being sad. Yet, if i am to be authentic .. and stay true to the purpose of this blog which is to share the journey of loving above and beyond bipolar .. i would be hiding the truth if i don't share that a lot of that overcoming is the need to heal MYSELF as well. Because I do feel sad .. a lot. To feel everything's finally okay when it's a period of remission .. and then live through another episode of regression is heartbreaking to say the least.

Caring for a person who has bipolar is like taking care of a lion. You must never forget that it's a wild animal at heart .. and that its nature is that of a carnivour. But you can't help loving it .. you see its true beauty. Yet, it's not something you can cuddle often or at all .. and if you like cuddles, this can leave you depleted .. wondering why you aren't good enough for a cuddle. Because unlike a lion .. a person with bipolar looks just like you on the outside. And inevitably .. you want a cuddle. But that cuddle may never come .. or is sparse and far apart.

So you end up with a bruised heart and a battered self esteem. The perfect Recipe for Depression.

Loneliness isn't being alone .. it's having no one to share your heart with. And with a bipolar partner ... that can be a very painful reality. To be able to love someone so wrapped up in their own pain ..takes an enormous amount of self love and the support of significant others who can and will love you .. and allow you to share your heart.

That's the only way to live .. in the desert of love ~